Friday was a hard day for me.

I got LO's text message late Thursday night.

Steve2 died.

He was shot is all I know. His funeral was Wednesday.

I was floored. I'm still in shock.

Yeh, I don't know him - he was just a crush - we had shared nothing more than many a glance, several a smile, few a words and only a hug . But I've never really known someone who died so suddenly and so young. That's stuff you only see happen to other people on the news.

Since the last time I wrote about him, he had hooked up with someone else and looked extremely happy with her and her with him. What is she doing? How is she coping? Their relationship was probably no more than 5 months but it was deep and I couldn't imagine them without the other... even now.

It's like City of Angels. Fucking movie. Nicolas Cage gives up everything so that he could be with Meg Ryan. And they do get together, perfectly and beautifully. True love. True happiness. Then she fucking dies. What a fucked up movie. Don't get me wrong. Like I said, when they finally did get together, that was awesome. I wish everyone could feel that kind of love. But to have it at last and gone in an instant? I know I believe Alfred Lord Tennyson's quote "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" and I still believe it. But I also know the pain of losing a loved one you have only known so briefly would be devastating. I can only imagine... If it happened to me, I would be lost. I would probably say Fuck love too like you Jaebi. But as time went on, I would know I'd say as Garth Brooks did...

"...those were the best days of my life..."

My prayers go out to you, girl. Hang in there and one day you will look back and relive those memories with smiles rather than tears.

HP Support

sucks!!!!!!

*SIGH* 

                       I think I love him...

Transporter 2

Been putzing with myspace.com (or I should say halfofkauai.com) as of late.  Talk about reunions on the internet. Sheesh.  Anyway, I'm there if y'all are curious.  It shouldn't be hard to find me - almost everyone on my friends list did.

Odd

You know how people say people have a good sense of style, or a good sense of humor?  Well apparently, I have a good sense of odd. I don't think see how it would be but here are some of my quirks that have been picked out by friends and family.

1. 
   
   I HATE leaving a resturant smelling like a resturant - When I leave a resturant, I want NOTHING to do with food anymore let alone smell it. I hate it when the smell gets into my clothes and worse - my hair.  Fajitas is the ultimate no-no for me - even though the food there is good.


2. On that same note, most perfumes & colognes give me a headache - Not just someone saturated in it, that's a given. It's the scent itself. Sometimes I'll just do a small spritz on my wrist and 10 minutes later I'll be trying to scrub it off because it's making nauseous. The ones I can't tolerate are Joop! for Men, Polo Sport for Men and Obsession for Women.


3. I cannot live without my "husbands" - (Lipbalms - a nickname D gave them because it never left my side and only it was allowed to touch my lips).  I have one in my bathroom drawer, one in my purse, one at my desk, one in my art box, one in my gym bag... well you get the picture.


4. I have to set the time on my alarm clock ahead 43-46 minutes - I won't pay attention to exactly how many minutes because then I'll try to figure out the actual time when I hit snooze for the 20th time BUT at the same time, it gets my mind thinking and helps me get up.


5. I can't sleep with my feet covered. - Even in the cold, I will kick the covers off and socks will somehow end up off my feet.


6. I "shut the lights," I tell people to "grab a (shopping) wagon," I "change my checks" and say it's "mines" not yours!


7. i dont like pineapple in main dishes. (i dont think its odd but most people since since i'm from hawaii) I laugh at Island Burger’s Hawaiian burger. It’s got a pineapple in there, Let’s call it a Hawaiian Burger!  Oh and Hawaiian Pizza?? That’s just downright sacrilegious!


8. i hate the sound of metal scraping metal (ie a ladle scraping the bottom of a pot) worse than fingernails on a chalkboard


9. i refuse to eat teriyaki anywhere other than in Hawaii (im sorry but no one in AZ knows how to make it right


10. I have a hand gesture for "Whatever" and "What-the-Fuck-ever"

Yeh whatever.  What's your oddities?

Went back to one of my old haunts Saturday night.   It was odd. Walking in, I felt out of place but then as some of the regulars and staff I knew saw me, the waves and the hugs they gave set me back at ease.  My budz LO & Miss Picky (I love them!) practically didn't give me a chance to sit down before smothering me with hugs. Carter, Wayne, Monique also made me feel good to be back in the nightlife... Mz Kelly, the bartender, immediately asked if I wanted my usual poison - a Corona - it was as if I hadn't been out of the loop for the past couple months. Everybody still knew my name. Heh.

The DJ nodded and waved as I spied other familiar faces were scattered among the crowd. Mr. Mi Amore was there, although I didn't get to greet him... and so was Steve2 with his girlfriend of several months... I tried not to even look his way but… Ahhh... curiosity killed the cat (especially when I caught him looking back at me...)

"But they look so happy together" is what he told LO about TR and I when she tried to get him to ask me out (this was before he starting dating his chica).

The last time I was there at that bar, a lady shared some unsolicited information: That TR and I aren't going work out, that it wasn't supposed "to be" She said that I had someone out there… waiting for me.... and that I knew who the person was...

Maybe so... "but they look so happy together" 

No, seriously, I wonder about TR and me… if we're really supposed to be together. That's the whole lure of psychics - the unknown… the possibility…   I mean who does know? And who wouldn't want to know?   When she told me that, my heart sank, partially because I think she's right and despite my wanting it not to be true, it is was it is. It ain't what it ain't.  Would you give a relationship a chance knowing that it may not work? 

I do love him... but sometimes love just ain't enough.

Happy July 4th Everyone!

Summertime BBQs remind me of this song....

(...in the LBC)

"...so let me ask you this, what do you think of a long term engagement?"

*blink*

"You don't have to answer me right now... Think about it, ok?"

I'm in Cali right now. Going to Disneyland tomorrow. Dunno about it though. Been afraid to eat this past few weeks and my tummy's been bitching about every little thing I eat. All I need is to get sick on the rides - or more importantly get too sick to even go to Disneyland.  But then again, the stomach woes could be because of this trip... you'll why see in a bit.

I would've written that I've been hesitating to go.  In fact I've flat out told TR that I wasn't going and that I've changed my mind - twice. (Ha, but look where I am today.) It's partly because I wanted time to myself but mostly because I am too afraid to meet his family.  Not necessarily because it's his family but just because the thought of it just scares me.  Yes, I will admit to having a minor case of social anxiety. Ask anyone online who has wanted to meet me in person.   Ask anyone who knows me about talking on the phone.

But I'm here now and so far, so good...

Ghod. 

Six days seem like forever. 

Yep. All I ever wanted was to spend my birthday in a houseful of strangers...

Anyone got some Zoloft?

I'm working. Really. Multi-tasking, it's called.

Anyh00, perusing the daily news I stumbled on this article and thought I should read since I know a few people with circular saws.  It said:

Circular saws recalled after amputation

The government is recalling circular saws sold at Home Depot and Lowes because of a problem that's already resulted in one amputation.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission says the lower guard could malfunction on as many as 70,000 saws made by the Bosch company.

The safety commission is urging anyone who has one of these to stop using it immediately and to contact the company for a free repair kit.

A free REPAIR KIT???

LOL! What's that? A needle and thread to sew your arm back on??? 

I love it. 

Thank goodness there was a link to the original article.