Rubbing my belly will not bring you good luck.

Now that I’m showing more, more and more people seem to want to touch my belly. WHAT’S WITH THAT? What is it with people touching a pregnant women’s belly? A belly that sticks out farther than a person’s boobs does not mean “Touch My Belly.” You don’t do it to the Santa Claus in the mall and you don’t do it to Uncle Bob and you sure as hell don’t do it to Aunt Ethel. What’s so different about a pregnant woman? One gal came up to me and even said, “I know you must be sick of everyone and strangers touching your belly,” she said reaching out, “But I can’t resist!” And she put her hand on my belly.

Ugh.

*shrug*

I often wonder if maybe they want to catch the baby mid kick or moving about but they don’t leave their hands there long enough to even feel anything. I’m at a loss. I voiced my feelings to TR one day, who laughed even harder that very night when half a dozen people came up to me at a friend’s birthday party and touched my belly.

*sigh*

Anyway... came into work to find this hanging over my cubicle... My co-workers are too funny... never a dull moment. I tell ya.  Thanks, Ro! I think I will miss them when I'm on maternity leave.   It finally came down today.  Lord knows I wasn't going to climb up there to get it down - especially not after the ladder incident

56 days more to go…

So far, I don't know what, who, where, when anything about my shower.  For all I know, I have three.  I would have loved for LO to plan it and she was - until someone who meant well asked if she was overwhelmed with all the other things going on in her life.  Mind you it was prompted by someone else's inquiry but still, the fallout was his fault, people got upset at him and the shower was off.  Now I guess her shower is back on and I'm excited but he is still not forgiven.

And yet another incident last night where not necessarily getting into others business but just making an observation and of course saying the wrong thing, people were hurt.

You know what? Maybe he doesn't have a fucking degree. Maybe he is just a fucking mechanic. Maybe he is still too fucking immature. Maybe he does lack in every goddamn fucking manner and courtesy but he treats me well and I KNOW he means well.  A person doesn't have to graduate from Yale to know he upset someone but not everyone is eloquent in words to have not said something in the beginning.

I am sick and tired over people getting upset over WORDS.

Life was easier in my last relationship where I didnt go anywhere, not even to the movies, and do nothing for fear of this happening but then again, maybe I just have bad taste.

I probably voiced my sentiments about this once before but I just wanted to repeat it cause I'm irritated.  As much as I love Metallica, Lars has a fricken mouth and needs to shut the fuck up once in a while.

I believe everyone in my area knows that I'm pregnant now.  Dunno how it came about but I guess I've been the subject of bathroom talk - which is scary because the majority of my co-workers are male. I guess it was still shocking to them.  As one guy said, it wasn't until 2 weeks ago that I started really showing. I beg to differ. I've been feeling huge for almost forever now. But it's true, it's like I've tripled in size all of a sudden!  It could be the fact that the morning sickness has finally subsided to where I can actually tolerate the smell of food. 

Anyway, here ya go, much requested pictures of me and my big ol' bell-leh!

Ugh,, I'm finally at 7 months... and I'll only get bigger.  LOL

“… yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back…” - The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost

I’ve always loved that poem.

Things change.

Much to our dismay, delight, disbelief, what have you… Things change. It’s hard to say whether for better or worse. You just pick a path and go down it and whether you spend hours, days or even just seconds deliberating which path to take, once you take it, it doesn’t matter. Fact is, you are there. .

I’m not one to regret the path I went down despite my ever wonderings of what might have been and the reminiscing of things that are no longer with me on this new journey. I don’t wish to go back but I often imagine what it would be like had I chose the other route. This is new path is my choosing. This is my trade off.

So how do you explain that to the people in the distance, who grow further and further away the farther you move down that path? The people who inadvertently got left behind? I look back and see them waving.  Some urge manically as if I am making a big mistake. Some beckon slightly knowing that this is my choice and know that life means life goes on, with or with you yet not wanting me to go.  Some I see turn around with only a moment’s hesitation back to their own paths – our crossing just a moment of time a memory but more often forgotten.

Ran into A this past weekend @ Fashion Square.  He looks the same.  Not sure if he saw me or not but I saw him... Wonder what he thinks of me.  I know he was disappointed when I told him I was exclusively seeing TR, but he wanted to stay in touch as friends...

Obviously, that isn't the case.

As with the ex.  We kept in touch for a while but eventually, and almost abruptly, I was "cut off."

I understand that for some it hurts to to see the one you love with another. Been there, done that. But there came a time where I said to myself that it is not worth losing a friend over feelings... as hard as it sounded at the time.  I shut a few people out becuase of it but I learned that I knew this person before the feelings became involved, how is it different?  I still feel a twinge of hurt, jealousy and envy but you know what? I have their friendship.  I know others who have done it too. I'm sure at one point in their lives, they could not bear seeing the person that they care so much for be with someone else but now are now friends.  A hurdle and a bump in the road was all that it was and friendship persevered.

I'm not saying I'm disappointed in A or F, to feel is to be human.  It's just that it's noticable when this path that I used to walk with company...now I walk alone.

She's about 2 lbs. now, and still small enough to move freely around.  Freely. 

I lay on my back and felt her moving about and glanced down.  She kicked me hard and I saw my tummy move from under my shirt.

Interesting. 

So I lifted my shirt and decided to see what else I see.   I lay there and watched my belly twitch as she kicked again, then a weird thing happened, I saw her move around.  I have been feeling her move, flip, kick, and jump for what seems like ages now (and this probably means she's gunna be one hyper kid, joy). But I never really noticed if I could see it externally. It was the weirdest thing.  A lump, a little smaller than a tennis ball, showed up on my left side, moved slowly up near my belly button, disappeared and then popped up on my right.  Did she just swim a lap across my stomach?  What are you doing in there??  I asked out loud, half expecting to get a reply.  She kicked and slunk down - still on the right side. Probably sulking.  Heh, she takes after her mommy very well.  But it was WEIRD, I tell ya.  To see something moving under your skin like that?  Feeling it is one thing but to see it kinda freaks you out.  That's what I get for watching Aliens one too many times.  I like it when she moves though.  It feels a whole lot better than when she kicks...

I try not to let my imagination get the best of me and picture her bursting through but I'm sure I'll dream about it eventually... those crazy dreams...

But that, my friend, is a different story...

Oh the joys of pregnancy!

Let me tell you, it has been an adventure so far. I regret not sharing my earlier experiences but it was the whole ongoing dilemma of “Do I want it online for the world to see?” Well, I’m starting to show so I’ll be having people talking about me whether I like it or not soooo, sometimes you just gotta say, “What the fuck.” Here goes.

Week 25: The Waddle

It’s inevitable. Trust me. For the past week, I have been made very aware of my lil kung fu fighter sitting in my belly – or more appropriately - ON my bladder. According to “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” she’s supposed to weigh 2 lbs and is about a foot long in length. Yeh… You get the picture.

But that’s not the part that makes you waddle. I have maybe 40 feet from my desk to the nearest bathroom and each step brings new form to the already existing pee-pee dance. I TRY to walk like it doesn’t hurt but when you gotta go, you gotta go. It’s like WHAM! Oh shit, I gotta go. NOW! Sorta sneaks up on you… like now….

Whoa Nelly.

....

....

....

Okay I’m back.

Phew.

And wouldn’t you know it?

I waddled.

*nudge*  Hey look at K-Girl, she's been slacking at the gym...

*whisper*  Wow, K-Girl's been partying too much these days... she's been calling in sick a lot and looks a little pale.  Hungover again, I bet.

*GASP*  Whoa, beer gut!

It's funny what people at work are saying about me... if they only knew Mz Party-Hearty is 6 mos. along. 

Ooops, did I just say that?? 

Cat's out of the bag. Oh well.

*Shrug* I plan to tell the rest of my co-workers soon. I just liked hearing the speculations, but it's getting boring, and soon it'll be obvious anyhow.  A lot of people who do know say they can't tell, but I'm sure secret fans of my "barely-there derriere" have noticed. Especially since my "just a handful boobs" give new meaning to "my cups overflowth" 

Anyway, yes, a wee bit pre-occupied these days... Xanga kinda takes back seat for now but thought I'd update.

Finally watched The Notebook. 

Stupid movie.

I cried - like most gals would.

But it was TR who said to me, "There's only one person I want to grow old with."

and made me cry even more.

We went to the usual spot on Saturday.  Steve2’s gf showed up later that night.  I motioned to TR and LO but LO got to her first.  When LO hugged her, she seemed to just crumple into LO’s arms and started crying and shaking.  They stood there hugging. I could hear the pain in her sobs. It broke my heart.  I could feel my own tears well up.

As TR & I stood behind them waiting to give our condolences, TR looked at me and squeezed my hand.  I had just told him how I felt probably no more than an hour before she arrived. He leaned over and hugged me tightly. 

LO consoled her for what seemed like an eternity and when they finally parted she was smiling and laughing. (Did I mention that LO’s awesome?) TR stepped up and gave his sympathies and a hug. She cried a little bit more but was able to put up another smile and soon TR had her chuckling too… (Did I mention how much I love him?) I saw that and realized I didn’t have the heart to put her through the tears again. So I went and sat down…